Patience in Solitude

by eros north

These four walls
Have never felt more like a fortress
And there have been times where I have felt stuck inside my own body
But not quite like this
This is a slow torture

Where fresh air and sharp breaths on morning runs are my only freedom
I have never noticed the sky as much as I do now
And it hurts to recognize that

It aches, longing for the ones I felt so tired of
I needed a break to see how much I needed them close
It pains me to hear them, breaking through lost calls
Or seeing them at almost an arms length
Not being able to reach out and touch them
But they’re right there…

How is it that my eyes are glued to my screen
Lost in the cacophonous noise of endless communication
When all I want is to be left alone
Connected and yet… disassociating
I miss the comfortable silence of quality time
Embraces without words
Leaning into one another
Shoulders to cry into
Arms to shelter

Now the countless seconds of deprivation drag on
Turning days into nights
And I’m not sure why this infinite cycle
Invites darkness
I fear for those who feel it’s tug

We need balance
And we need each other
And despite fighting something so real,
I want us to walk out of it, all of us
After what feels like ages of fighting demons
We must gain a better understanding
Of what it means to live a meaningful life
And see the day when we can finally live it

With no end in sight,
We must find ways to live it when getting out of bed is impossible
When opening windows is a battle
When springtime is winter in disguise
I’m here for you
And I believe you can be there for yourself too
Your bed waits to be made
Your windows wait to bring you fresh air
And the world waits with you
For the sun
For the moon
For the rain
And the chance to enjoy this life once again